03 October 2005 - "A Gemsbok walks into a club..."
The Sunday Times headlined it as "Furious Gemsbok Denied Access To City Club". National Geographic Magazine published a special issue entitled "Go Home Fair Gemsbok". Mad Magazine called it "Blah Blah Gemsbok, have you any pull? No Sir, No Sir This Club?s Full."
Getting into clubs was always a mission. The preparation was vitally important ? to look as old as possible. In the land of underage clubbing, the man with the grey hair was king. Ironic.
Hoping that no club employee saw your parents drop you off, the brief thought filled adrenalin pumping walk to the club entrance could determine the events of the rest of the evening. Don't look nervous. Be calm. You're cool. You're old. Is my moustache thick enough? No eye contact. No talking. Just walk straight.
Either you got in or you didn't. The moment of truth arrives as soon as you enter the threshold of the bouncer's world for he is the only mortal between you and destiny. 3 scenarios are possible at this point: Effortless Entry, Access Denied, The Negotiation.
Effortless Entry is the ultimate underage clubbers dream. All the prep work earlier that night paid off so it's straight to the toilets to untuck the shirt, undo a few of the upper buttons, wipe off the sweat and proceed to the bar.
Access Denied is simple. Hang around outside, stare at the bouncer and all the chicks spading him, see girls younger than you gain effortless entry, swear alot and proceed directly to the nearest club to try the process all over again - this time with a lot less expectation.
The Negotiation scenario usually meant the odds were not in your favour but there was a chance. Were you going to have to use the Southern Drawl that complemented the University of Texas Student Card of you in your school uniform? The less talking the better and if the bouncer believed your improbable cover story well then God Bless America. No matter how tense the negotiation was, how suspiciaous the bouncer was or how close you got to having your Access Denied once you're in you are in - and no-one could take that away from you.
City Clubbing - not for the faint hearted.