11 October 2005 - "A Breezy 6 out of 10"
It is official. Stop the press. Summer is on its way and the Gemsbok is shirtless. Hide your children. Hide your�grannies. According to the Official Cape Town Beach Bum Rules (founded by none other that yours truly) summer is here. A�special thanks must be given to the Gemsbok for repeating the phrase "Come on Summer" in a 4 day long non-stop mantra. I�am sure that helped.
In the event you need a refresher of the Offical Rules, here are a some all time favourites rules that should be�repeated constantly to the non-believer.
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Section 4 b(ii):
One cannot get sunburnt if the follwing conditions are present:
1. Before 9 October.
2. Swimming in the sea or while immersing any part of your body under water.
3. After 3pm.
4. If it is windy, as the cool air protects you from the heat of the sun.
5. Cloud covering the sun cos if you can't see the sun, the sun can't see you.
Section 1a(ix):
Rest your bones where the sandles fall.
Section 2g(xxiv):
If you see clouds in the distance you only have 15 minutes.
Section 92 paragraph 2, 1st sentence:
Never get up from your chair.
Section 92 paragraph 3:
Vacating your chair may be done only under the folloing circumstances:
1. To readjust direction of the chair relative to the angle of the setting sun.
2. To readjust.
3. To get your wallet to get money for your friend who has offered to fetch a cool beverage from a very far drinks vendor.
4. To avoid a certain death from killer bees.
5. When there is no knuiping power left.
6. To leave the beach.
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Believe in the rules, and they'll believe in you (adapted from a phrase in The Dukes Autobiography).
Last note, never believe a Gemsbok when it comes to gay p0rn. No Gemsbok, its not just 2 straight guys that arrived very early.