25 October 2005 - Silence of the Gemboks.
When you're down and out, have nowhere left to turn, life's getting you down theres only one thing to do: host a braai. There may be many more ways to make people happy but a good braai is always a great thing. Gemsboks love hosting braai's. It gives the lonely Gemsbok an opportunity to envelop his guests in a chilled atmosphere coupled with food of an unparalleled standard. The irony of a Gemsbok actually burning his brethren on a dirty metallic grid then eating them is another topic altogether.
What makes a good braai? Strong meaty smells, chips, beer and smokey clothes are synonomous with any decent braai but what makes a braai great? Is it the fine cuisine and ample drink? Could it be the elegant surroundings or group of people? Maybe it was the "meaty chop bracelets", or someone walking flat bang into a glass door cutting their forehead and bleeding prefusely? Maybe it was the 5-man "dog scratching it's ass" race across the lounge floor?
Maybe its all of the above. Perhaps its none. All of them contribute to the greatness of a braai but none are specifically needed. It is the length of the lingering memory that measures a great braai.
What are some of the components are needed at a good braai?
1. A good and committed braai'er. Someone who takes responsibility for the cooking of the meat. Only one braai'er per braai, onlookers welcome but please, no back seat braai'ing.
2. A braai. Any shape or size will do as long as it is fire resistant. Nothing asbestos based. We learn the hard way.
3. Meat. Lots of it. Tell the chicks to bring salad if they want but there is no need to waste valuable real estate on your plate with non-protein items.
4. Baked beans. An essential complement to any meaty meal. And besides, it makes for great fun later that evening.
5. Crowd. Safety in numbers is what I always say. The more people there are the less I have to do.
6. Matches or a lighter. Contrary to popular belief, a toaster will not work in this sitaution.
7. Me. Way more funnier than Solly according to the general public. I do weddings and barmitzvahs too.
And as a great anonymous poet once wrote in a limerick entitled:
Oh Gembok of the Serengeti (translated directly from French)
A Gemsbok once hosted a braai
And dropped sauce of the floor which did dry.
Along came some ants,
Up his three-quarter pants,
And swiftly made way to his naai.
Til next week...