01 November 2005 - He Brings it Upon Himself.
A thirsty Gemsbok is a dangerous thing - especially in a club where ample drink is available for procurement. Whatever you want a Gemsbok can get it, no problem. The Gemsbok's generosity is easily taken advantage of by the herd of friends he buys so many drinks for, a herd that hardly reciprocates to the same extent.
The problem with this discrepancy lies in a London born concept of "Rounds". The interpretation of the philosophy of rounds has been applied too liberally in the South African context. The drinking environments differ significantly.
The English drink, obviously for enjoyment, but also to numb the pain of really cold winters, excessive rain and black snot from riding too many tubes. South Africans drink for a multitude of reasons - and capatalism is responsible for these differences. The lower class drink quarts to numb the pain of their poor qulaity of life. The upper class sip their alco-pops to revel in the quality of life their inheritance has left them. The middle class drink because hard work has allowed for a little personal spoilage.
Most of us form part of the middle class. We stick together because it is the evil of the upper class that is our soul mission to conquer and mostly mock. When we drink we drink to get drunk, to have fun, to make loud slurring noises and maybe a vomit now and again. But then why is there inequality within the middle class ranks? Rounds.
A "Round" is a collection of drinks bought by one Gemsbok in the anticipation of reciprocation at some stage within that same night. In a perfect world a round is to be bought by each member of a herd. In bigger herds this plays to the advantage of the member who holds back for the last round. A sneaky tactic but someone has to buy the "last round" - a round that doesn't really exist.
Postulate 1: "All rounds are not created equal"
A round can be 1 or many drinks. Your round may include more drinks and be more costly but a round is a round is a round. Whether you sneak off and buy smaller rounds so you don't have to take out a 2nd bond only rests on your conscience - it still constitues a round.
Postulate 2: "Last rounds at the bar"
As mentioned, a common tactic to avoid round buyage is to buy that ever-elusive "last round". If you're in a biggish crowd you can be rest assured it'll never arrive before closing time and therefore your night of drinking has been considerably cost effective. This devious gambit is definately frowned upon.
Postualte 3: "Open them floodgates"
Let's not kid, when its the Gemsbok's round at the bar there will always be something to smile about. There is no reason however, to go all out. A Gemsbok will always offer to buy a round so take your share and be happy with it. Ordering a double is ordering 2 drinks. Suddendly acquiring a taste for Red Bull or a need in fulfilling a desire to down a quadruple tot of Johnie Blue just isn't good ettiquette when it comes to accepting a round.
Postualte 4: "Duty Call"
It is incumbent upon every middle class citizen, when using the Rounds System to perform their part of the deal. We are as Middle Class citizens all born equal. Some of us more equal than others but those others are generally only 1 or 2 or more notches from the top, where, and I can say from personal experience, the view is beautiful.
A Proposed Solution: "No More Rounds"
To avoid this mismatch in spending a certain undisclosed ex-Bellviller suggested the death of the Roundage System. As the common Slovenian saying goes "Each for Themselvesavich". This doesn't mean the end of Rounds as we know it, but instead of relying on drinks from others as your main fix of alcohol everything will work out fairly.
I still feel Rounds has its place in society. Maybe better groups of friends can handle such a contentious issue. Therefore my search will carry on and to answer this universally mystifying question I shall continue to complete my life's quest and find a better group of friends.